So if you’ve read the Anxiety post I wrote earlier this year, You’ll understand where I’m coming from with this post.
This is mostly for my benefit, to get something off my chest but if it helps one of you reading this then I’m glad I put it into words.
I’ve always wondered how people react calmly to certain situations. It makes me question myself sometimes and I suppose that’s the anxiety talking. But seriously, how do you not wake up sweating, jolted awake because your brain assaults you with something you desperately wish to forget?
How does your brain not replay these situations over and over again until you think you are a crazy person for still thinking about this thing you cannot change?
Example A: I was in a car accident this weekend. Nothing major, my airbags didn’t even deploy. I was probably doing 20 mph at the time trying to turn right. The other car had ZERO damage other than some paint transfer. I’m fine physically and I have nothing to worry about with insurance coverage.
AND YET….. I laid awake for two hours that night (after getting home at like…12:30 am) while my brain just attacked me. The same thing has happened for the past two nights as well.
I hate it. Just replaying an event over and over again like that’s going to change the situation. It drives me crazy!
This is the part of anxiety I think people don’t realize is the most exhausting part, like panic attacks are awful but they usually only happen when triggered by something. However, the CONSTANT overthinking is what really gets me.
My brain cannot let situations go. I can’t stop thinking about things that don’t really matter I really want to believe that I will get better about this but at the current moment I just don’t think that I will be.
Don’t even get me started on the future. With things so unknown for me right now. I’m seriously just trying not to think about it. Which I guess is not a great coping mechanism but at this moment I can’t really do anything about it.
I’m just so done with my brain getting in the way.